I came home from the hospital for the first time yesterday (Tuesday). I could have come home earlier, but they let me stay so I could be close to Abby.... I was warned by my cousin, Kira, (who has first hand experience with this) that it would be hard. Sure enough, I cried as I walked towards the car. I still felt at peace, but kept crying. I think it was also a tiny bit due to be so grateful to be outside the hospital -- since I had not done that since driving to the hospital last week.
I had ordered pictures from Wal-Mart of Abby; so, we picked those up in between my "officially" leaving the hospital and making one last visit to Abby for the day. If I couldn't bring her home, I wanted to have her picture up.... I did pretty good leaving the hospital the second time to actually go home.... Yesterday's nurse was so good to us and answering any questions, plus more (although she is not the only awesome person we have worked with) -- which helped my leaving her to go home.
I began another break down as we almost got home. It seemed like a full circle driving home, because it was dark when we left for the hospital (middle of the night), and the sun had recently set as we got home.... I really began to lose it as I walked in the door and things really began setting in.... Our awesome neighbors, the Blounts, invited us to dinner. In my "out-of-it-ness" I didn't realize we were eating dinner with them, but I think it was one of the best things we could have done. It kept our minds off of just sitting and thinking about being home without Abby. They have been such great neighbors since we met, and are very grateful for them. (Thanks, guys!!)
My dear sweet husband has been even more amazing than usual during all of this -- especially in just little things. I am so grateful for him. Johnny is such an amazing father and husband. He is so attentive in the NICU and keeping track of things with Abby.... I am just one lucky girl!!
Abby has been stable the last two nights and seems to be doing so wonderful right now. Yesterday they put a feeding tube in her to start trying to give her my milk. It is not for nutrients, but rather to help her digestive track (like the amniotic fluid used to be doing) and begin helping her immune system. They say sometimes that babies are not ready for it, and then they just hold off for a little bit. Our little fighter seems to be doing great with it on the first try. They also say that she is doing well at staying calm during her regular "cares" every four hours. It is easy to get agitated when you are being checked out, but it has to be done. They only do it every four hours to give her rest time. It is also the best time for us to be there because it is the best time to touch her -- so she can be left alone the other times. So, we are trying to start planning our visiting time around that. We get to help with her during those times and touch her.
So far so good, and we are very excited and happy. We continue to just feel so blessed. Thanks again to you all for your love and prayers!!