The Roller Coaster Begins

sorry -- don't have many good pictures this time around.

Here is the bear we bought for Abby on Saturday (trying to cheer me up). One of the nurses told us how some people put a stuffed animal next to the baby to watch them grow -- taking regular pictures. This bear may be a little big, but I still think it is cute, soft, and cuddly for Abby to like later. Maybe we will end up getting a different one.... Can anyone see how good her color is looking?

So -- I knew it was coming after such a fabulous week.... First of all- John and I find it hard to believe that it has already been a week. We are still trying to realize that we are parents. We love little Abigail more and more each day. John stopped by to take some more milk to her and was able to help with her "cares" before going to work. He also got to give her a kiss on the head -- too bad I wasn't there to take a picture, but I will soon enough.

I am so grateful it is Monday and a new week beginning.... It was kind of a tough, emotional weekend for me. However, I have an amazing husband who went above and beyond to help his wife feel better.... I was getting stir crazy being at home and taking it easy - not something I do well, and it was starting to get me a little down.... I was able to cheer up thinking that I would spend the afternoon with my little Abby.

We went to the hospital in time to help with her 4:00 "cares". We were just starting to look at her and touch her some when all of the sudden we were told we had to leave because of a situation with Abby's neighbor. It had been "touch and go" for that neighbor, and now they were closing that pod.... What? You mean to tell me I can't see my baby? I was already having a rough day. The nurse said we could wait in the waiting room and come back in probably a little bit. That was our original plan, but then I just completely fell apart -- and I just needed to leave.... Why didn't anyone warn me that I could be kicked out and denied my 24 hour access? Sure, it makes sense now - but a warning would have been nice. I now know it could regularly happen, and I think I can be better mentally prepared. (Thanks for all of your help Kira!)

So, we tried to go see our Abby Sunday afternoon. They told us to call before coming -- which we did. However, by the time we arrived, things had changed. I was just starting to get set up for pumping when we needed to leave. We were very excited, too, because when we walked in we saw her bed with the top raised up. She just looked so beautiful sleeping there and not so pent up.... They gave us a couple of minutes to see her, and we were at least able to talk to the doctor for an update before leaving.

HUMBLING EXPERIENCE: It was obvious for many reasons that things were not good for Abby's neighbor. It was difficult to be excited for how well Abby looked when your heart was starting to ache for the other family and thinking that could be me. I felt horrible as I walked through the little crowd gathered in the hall for that baby. Wow!! The emotions that ran through me.... The bed was empty today next to Abby.... Wow!! I don't even know how to express what I feel.

UPDATES
On a more positive note -- Abby is still doing well (even though I still feel guilty after seeing that other family). I got to change a nasty poopy diaper on her today. The medicine they gave her to help her poop must have done its job. She is almost back to her birth weight. Today she was weighing at 1lb 14 oz. Yeah!! She is up to 3cc for her feedings, and they are starting to be for nutrients, too. Her color looks so good -- even though she is doing a little more sunbathing (but they said to expect that off and on). She continues to respond well to the things they do to help her progress. She also got her umbilical lines out and has a PIC line instead. I was going to possibly get to start Kangaroo Care - holding my baby - today, but the last line to come out of her belly button was arterial(?) and had some bleeding issues - no worries, though -- just didn't want to agitate it. So, I am looking foward to going to see her tomorrow - and see if she is ready.

She did pull her breathing tube out the other night (sorry -- told some of you it was a different tube, but I learned differently). So, they had put her hands around a little pillow to keep her from doing it again. Abby likes to have her hands by her face.

She was so alive and awake during her 4:00 "cares". It was so much fun -- I can't even think of how to describe it.... Then she went to sleep -- it was kind of cute how she just sort of zonked out. The nurse was telling me how easy it is for these little guys to get worn out. I am a little sad that I wasn't getting any good pictures while her bed was raised and open, but maybe tomorrow -- too busy having fun with her.

I don't know if I can ever thank everyone enough, but Thank You, Thank You! So many people are taking such good care of us. Thank you to the ward (church) for the meals for the next couple of weeks. Thank you to everyone at school for all you have done since I am not there doing my job. Thank you for the countless thoughts and prayers in our behalf -- even from people we don't even know. Thank you! Thank you!!

We hope to be able to post more good news soon.