Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Patience

Tonight I write with a sad heart. I have tried to keep my bad days from the blog because I didn't want to dwell on them, and I didn't want to search for sympathy. I have so much to be grateful for, and that is what I wanted to focus on. I have mentioned some of those days, and have clung to our baby, my husband, and many family and friends. (Thank you!)

Well, the tears are gone for a little bit.... but we thought Abby was going to be coming home today. Wow!! the emotions. She will probably be there another week. She needs more eating strength, and they ended up putting the feeding tube back in her. She just wouldn't eat today - after her 9:00 feeding. She just slept and slept - I couldn't really wake her. We had started discharge paper work and made doctors' appointments. The oxygen was delivered to our house. I had been trained in a few things like the monitor and fortifying milk....

A part of me is worried, but the doctor thinks everything is fine, but that we just need to build up her endurance.... Needless to say, we are very sad.... However, I am glad we discovered the problem before leaving, because we would just be bringing Abby back to the hospital - which I really don't want to do....

In the long scheme of things these extra days will seem like nothing, but right now they are long -- We have already made it twelve weeks. (counting when we first went to the hospital).... I just get more anxious.... We are so blessed that Abigail has had almost no real setbacks in all of this - just kind of sailing through.... I just want to bring her home and love her. I can't wait to hold her with nothing attached to her. I feel blessed that we were able to have Abby live, but I really want her home with John and I.

Staying at the hospital the last four days has been tiring, but wonderful. The first night was the roughest, but we were starting to get used to each other. It has been so great to hold her and put her to sleep and sing to her -- just be her mom and not leave her each night.... I cried as I held her at the end of today, told her how much I love her, and told her to sleep and get energy. I told her I was sorry that I had to leave her again....

I talked to a couple of friends today as I tried to keep myself together- one who has also ridden this roller coaster.... I love that the Lord has blessed me with some wonderful friends. Thank you! Thank you!.... Thank you to everyone for your love and prayers through all of this. We look forward even more to the day we get to bring our Little Abby home with us.


Happy 11 Weeks my Angel

Abigail with the feeding tube taken out the first time -- the tape kind of irritated her cheek, poor girl

Spending time with Daddy

2 comments:

3in3mom said...

HUGS HUGS HUGS!

I hope and pray that things will go well for Abby (and you) as she gets strength. Maybe this is a blessing in a way so you can attend Gpa Riding's funeral with Abby in the safe care of the hospital then enjoy her when she is strong and ready. I cried reading this post knowing how much you dearly want your sweetie home. We continue to pray for that day and many wonderful days after that.

Much love, the Leamans

Stephanie Bodine said...

Kim! Wow! Abby has grown so much!What a great blessing it is for you that she is continuing to grow and progress after so much. Before you know it, she will be home. :)